Okay, it's time to get to know a few of our friendly neighborhood authors. I will start by being greedy and selfish and featuring...who else? Ourselves! So read on Hell Hole devotees and get to know your local bards!

Mark Eller: Mark Eller is an old fart of almost fifty who owns too many screaming parrots for his own sanity. When he is not busily engaged in feeding parrots, yelling at parrots, cleaning up parrot poop, or being a parrot perch, he sometimes finds the time to write a word or two. Over the years that writing has resulted in an unbelievable number of lost books and short stories. He has creatively lost handwritten manuscripts in floods or while moving. Once he discovered the joys of computing he did all his work electronically because that is so much safer than hand writing it or typing it. About two years later he discovered that hard drives are not forever. In fact, they are very temporary and he really should have backed up all his files. Also about that time he met a woman on-line who liked to write but had no idea of where a comma should properly go. The ensuing argument became a permanent union when the woman forced Mark to marry her, and then Mark's problems really began. The obstinate woman beat him senseless, metaphorically speaking, because with all his writing, Mark seemed to have forgotten to submit anything, probably due to pure laziness. Accepting that survival was more important than a good nap, Mark instantly wrote several books and submitted them for publication and to a few...hundred...agents. The response was overwhelming. He instantly received such a volume of rejection letters that the post office had to add three new sorters and raised the price of postage. Surprisingly, a few of his short stories were actually published. The sun still rose, the stars did not fade away, so the event must not have been too earth shaking. While this was going on, Mark met another great nag, Liz VanZandt, who seemed to think they should write a book together. Cringing to Liz's demands, they collaborated for several years, taking long breaks due to job changes, children and other such unimportant stuff. Eventually, Mark found himself working an assembly line after his previous employer decided they did not want to stay in business anymore. Though he thought it unreasonable that they were not still willing to pay him, Mark did pack up his tools and move along. To pass the time and escape his parrots, he ran to his basement and set up a recording studio to podcast a few books. Meanwhile, out of the blue, Book One of his Turner Chronicles was accepted for publication by Swimming Kangaroo Books. He instantly sent them book two, and then three, which they had the great good taste to accept too. Mark can now be found trapped in his recording studio, podcasting shows for God Wars, finishing up book four of The Turner Chronicles, working on his fantasy book, Expendable, and tearing out his hair because that mean Liz woman has him working on a follow-up books to God Wars.

Elizabeth Draper: Elizabeth was born and raised in Iowa, the heart of corn country - NOT POTATO - and no she does not live on a farm or chew hayseeds or chase pigs in her free time (who the hell has any of that). Elizabeth has had a passionate desire to write since she was but a wee tike driving her father crazy for his opinions on her pathetic attempts at fine literature. She currently is in the editing stages of God Wars and will be pulling her hair out as the process slowly drives her mad. She can often be found rambling around her house, tufts of hair wildly askew about her head, nightgown and fuzzy bunny slippers on, mumbling incoherent, potty-mouthed, sentences. Yes, it's true, we may be losing her to the wacko ward soon but hopefully not until she has edited the crap out of the God Wars stories and successfully driven Mark mad as well. Hey...who wants to be crazy alone?